Where have I been?

BURIED. Call in the troops...














Note that usually, the feeders are 4' off the ground...














SEND HELP.

Just kidding...it will (hopefully) all be melted in 6 weeks and my daffodils will be blooming!

In other news, I start a new job tomorrow (another huge reason for my absence...totally brain dead from work) and the boys are still brilliant (and occasionally bratty. So, "normal"??). We're all (but mostly me) looking forward to spring and a fresh start.

The rut

You know that big hole* in the road you drove over this morning? The one that you tried desperately to avoid, but couldn't, so a big chunk of slushy, dirty snow fell out of your wheelwell into the hole? Well, I was in the hole too. Have been for a good while (hence the lack of posts) and I just can't seem to get out no matter how hard I try. My creativity is down the crapper. I went away for a scrapbooking weekend back in November and only managed to come home with eight completed pages. I'm not putting anything extra into anything at my job…bare minimum at best. Its bad.

I'm not sure how to fix it. Write more regularly, and the words will come? Scrap more, and the pages will put themselves together? Do something besides sit and stare at the tv/laptop every evening? In my defence, I've also been getting a lot of crocheting done lately! Scarves for Christmas gifts, as well as a scarf and two hats for myself! Anyone what a scarf and/or a hat? I'm getting pretty good at them…just don't ask me to do anything fancy.

Regardless of the rut, I've promised myself that I AM going to write more. I think a weekly entry is a good start and we'll see where it goes from there. Wish me luck! And send Doritos and root beer…


*I know that technically a rut is the set track that your wheel follows as you make your way up the street, but I couldn't find a way to make that work without making my brain hurt. Case in point...

Friday Shuffle

Stolen...no, borrowed from CCW...breaking my long silence with some fluff! (wow...out of my past three entries, two were stolen from her.)

1. "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode
2. "Helpline Operator" - The The
3. "More for Me" - Tegan and Sara
4. "Anyone" - Weeping Tile
5. "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies
6. "West End Girls" - Petshop Boys
7. "Here and There" - Sandbox
8. "Thanks for the Memories" - Fall Out Boy
9. "Frankly Mr. Shankly" - The Smiths
10. "Guns of Brixton" - The Clash

Permanent

I've always said that two children would be perfect for me. There were two kids in my family, and two in Jon's. Both of us are the firstborn in our families and there were largish gaps between next children. When I found out I was pregnant when Cael was eleven months old, I was quite overwhelmed at the idea of having two kids so close together. I had hoped to get Cael through the twos at least and enjoy him for a while (maybe even until he was in school!) before introducing a sibling. But Jon was ectatic, so the idea of having two under two grew on me...quite literally. Har de har... When we found out halfway through the pregnancy it was another boy, I was beyond thrilled...brothers so close in age. How wonderful! It also hit home that my childbearing would quite possibly be done by the time I was 30 (if Iain came early...which he didn’t). Which was always my "goal" when I was "young"...to be done having kids when I was "young" so I would have the energy to enjoy them.

Shortly after Iain was born, I had an IUD, um...installed. Put in? Placed? Anyway. Like most forms of birth control, there are side-effects. I don't know if I can attribute the fatigue etc., to it, but Jon is convinced that it is evil and should be removed and destroyed, and that it should be banned for use by ANYONE. *

People keep asking me when we'll try for a girl, to which I say "No, thankyouverymuch". I've always wanted boys...I got my boys. So I should be happy, right? I have my happy (usually) little family, two boys who are close in age, have very different personalities and will be great buddies when they're older.

So why did I start crying when Jon suggested I have the IUD removed and he'll look into something more...permanent?

That's right...I cried like a baby. I'm even tearing up now and the discussion happened over a month ago. Even though I'm happy with what I have, I've never really pushed the idea of having another baby someday completely out of my head. And its not that I'm a patient baby mama! I hated night-time wakings with a passion, for one. I spent Cael's first months (Iain slept through the night at 6 or 7 weeks, so I was lucky there) as a zombie. Cael's constant eating got on my nerves (I was used to it with Iain so I was much calmer), and he refused naps unless he was being held. But the good and cute things linger. Isn't that always the way? The first smiles, the jerky newborn movements, the sweetness of falling asleep whhile nursing, the new-found mobility of a creeper/crawler, the grins of pride when they stand and take their first steps...so many things that I will never experience again.

My reasons for (potentially) wanting another baby (someday) are largely selfish. A co-worker's wife just had a baby and they were lucky enough to have a homebirth. After Iain's quick arrival, the idea of a homebirth is very appealing. No nurses/doctors telling to pushpushpush HARDER, no-one insisting on putting the damn heartbeat monitor on my belly between contractions instead of just letting me go into my zone, no-one waking us up on cue every four hours for a feeding etc. I would love to experience it all at home. Not to mention that the idea of selling off all of my little wee cloth diapers makes me sad. And I'll never breastfeed again, which makes me sadder.

So all of the reasons are about ME. Nothing in there about being able to manage a third child, having to move out of our little three bedroom bungalow on a quiet street across from a park or shell out even more money for daycare. It really makes more sense to just stop with what we have and be done with it...in two years Cael will be in school and the money spent on daycare will be (mostly) back in my pocket, except for the various school expenses of course. Why would I commit myself to paying for another four years of daycare? Silly, really...

A small part of me just says to sit back, enjoy what I have and wait for grandchildren. And hope that I have daughters-in-law who don't mind me being active in their kids' lives, as most women tend to go to their own moms for advice/guidance with their babies, not their mother-in-law.

I guess I should have that girl, huh?? So I can be sure that I'll have a wedding to help plan and I'll have someone calling me in a panic because my lovely grandchild won't stop crying and hasn't pooped in three days? Hmmm...tempting, but no.


* Not exactly, but pretty close.

How fitting...

That I clicked on CCW's blog to find a birthday meme. Why not, since its my birfday! *does a little jig...waves to colleague passing by*

What you do is go to Wikipedia, enter your birthday in the search (month and day only), and pick 3 events, 2 birthdays, and a holiday, then tag 5 others.


August 20


Events:

1882- Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture debuts in Moscow.

1938 - Lou Gehrig hits his 23rd career grand slam - a record that still stands.

1998 - The Supreme Court of Canada states Quebec cannot legally secede from Canada without the federal government's approval.


Birthdays:

1946 - Connie Chung, American journalist (cool!)

1948 - Robert Plant, English singer (Led Zeppelin) (coooool!)


Holiday:

Hungary - St. Stephen's day, the main national holiday in Hungary.


Tagged:

Meh, I hate tagging...do it if you wish!

What's this?

Holy crap. I have a blog. *Looks around* Wow, it really sucks.

Uh, I have no excuse. Really. Just busy with life I guess! I'll do a summer vacation thing at some point soon. Spent some time at the cottage and we all had a blast. Yeah! That's my excuse! We had to pack and get ready, then I don't have access up there, and I just got back to work this week. Right on…don't feel so bad now.

So for the five readers I have…don't give up on me yet!

Bullets of things I've learned (so far) this summer

- Three year old Caels pee a lot

- Mostly in their pants *

- Almost-Two-Year-Old Iains "talk" at least 10 decibels louder than necessary

- They also get louder and louder if we refuse to give him his soother

- Baby Einstein videos only hold the attention of A-T-Y-O Iains for about five minutes, after which he will want to watch a different one

- The next video will receive the same amount of attention

- A-T-Y-O Iains like to hit and kick

- Retaliating just doesn't work…that is all

- Cameras are fun

- New lenses and filters are even MORE fun!

- You shouldn't put Soil Moist in small pots with no drainage holes

- Pansies don’t like to be drowned

- A 10 pound cat sheds the equivalent of a grocery bag of fur weekly during the summer

- Starbucks espresso frappucinos are the most wonderful (non-alcoholic) summer beverage ever invented

- Booster juice Mango Hurricane is a close second

- The Tiger-Cats are so not winning the Grey Cup this year

- I start a new job sometime within the next couple of weeks

- Vacation can't come soon enough


* That is sort of unfair because he has been a "superstar" (his words!) the past couple of weeks. Telling us when he needs to go and everything! Almost time to take him shopping for the Edward engine I promised him...